Am I Allowed To Dream of You?

Am I allowed to dream of you?
Holding hands and talking loud
When humans are asleep?

My back to the wall, legs crossed
Your arms around a pillow,
Talking about how our days went
And how we’re looking
Forward to the

weekend.

Am I allowed to think of you?
As mine, belonging to me
and no one else.
A different you, a different smile
And feel when you’re near.

Am I allowed to dream of you?
Taking road trips along borders,
Laughing at random things and
Getting high on sheer happiness.

Sitting under the stars in the cold,,
Our freezing hands entwined,
Talking about dreams and hopes,
And goals .

Am I allowed to dream of you?
Of basking in the harmony of our bodies
As they blend into each other
The deep guttural noises
Drowned in our favourite music.

Just laying there
Wasted in the euphoria of
Irregular breathing and salty body water.

Am I allowed to think of you?
Holding my hands in the dark
And telling me everything
Will be okay.
Holding my hand in front
Of everyone.
Smiling shyly, and saying
“Yeah, that’s her”

Am I allowed to dream of you?
Sleeping in on a Saturday morning,
Waking before you and poking
You till you open your eyes.

Sitting on the pews on a Sunday morning. Saying prayers,
To the Creator and thanking
Him for making our paths one.

Am I allowed to love you in my dreams?
To obsess over you and do things
That I don’t do with anyone else.
To hide my left hand in my sweater
And shout “hey, I think I lost my arm”

Am I allowed to love you
Without second guessing?
Slipping scented  handwritten notes
In your backpack,
Burying my head in your chest
Just because I want to.
Living for the joy that the little things bring.

Am I allowed to say it first?
That I love you and I cannot lie.
That I need to know
Where I stand and what I mean.
To hope that maybe, just maybe
A tiny bit of you might want me too.

Am I allowed?
Can I dream of you in anyway I want?
Can I at least call you half mine?

Maybe I don’t want an answer.
Maybe I already know.
That at the end of the day,
What is not yours is not yours.

– For unrequited love.