This is my attempt,
To take my life back after two decades,
To hold my own hand in the dark and
walk this path alone.
To stop pouring myself into bodies that are already full,
To stop trying to
hold hands with people whose palms are clenched into fists.
This is my fling,
To try to fall totally in love with myself
and not hold any feeling back.
To look at my face in the mirror and not take a step back and look away.
To sleep all by myself
and wake up to my own warmth.
This is my venture,
To strive for the life I want,
To roll up my sleeves, do my part
and be my own partner.
To stop thinking that I’m worth
less than I actually am,
To put one foot gently,
in front of another and keep moving.
This is my shot
To try, again, again and again,
To do my best, even on the days
I can’t seem to leave my bed.
To try to live, to love and laugh
to try, and try and try.
This is my trial,
To stop riling myself up with guilt,
To stop holding on to the things
that don’t want to stay.
To stop looking for alibi and
start showing up when I should.
This is my pursuit,
To rise above these waves,
No matter the number of times I’m
pushed farther under.
To go after the things my heart wants,
To try to live a life I won’t regret.
To find something to be happy about
each day, before the sun sets.
This is my struggle,
To snatch my life back from the
cold hands of this kind of death.
To try to be the master of my own faith and captain of my own soul.
To find myself again in this murkiness
To rise through fire, through crick ,
This is my attempt to start
all over after two decades.
This is my story.