I touch the cold walls, to know how it feels to be cold for the last time. I hold my dish of the stale meal and stare at it for a while. Because by tomorrow, this dish would be here and I would not.
I sit, hold my head in both hands and sigh. There’s no use for tears now. I killed him. It was premeditated. It was planned. I have no excuse. There was nothing the lawyer could say. It was a bad case. I drove the knife straight into his chest and left it there. He did scream. I just moved back a bit, leaned against the wall and watched him die. I did nothing more.
But nobody would ever know. Nobody would know his side of the story, which I didn’t bother to tell in the dock. Nobody would have believed me. It is all useless now. Nobody would ever know that he constantly made my life a hell in these past 5 years, and that the loving and doting man they knew was Hitler,Stalin and the Devil in one. They didn’t have to know I’d lost 4 pregnancies at his hands. They need not know why my body is covered in scars and eternal bruises. No, they needn’t.
I stand again and look at the tiny ray of light through the small window. This is the last time I’d behold the sun. It is my last day as a living being. I am not scared of how the rope will sniff my life out. I am not. I know I should pray but I can’t even find the words.
I have thrown my life away before it even started. I sit down again and lean back against the wall. The Grim Reaper is at my door.
“Our Father, who art in heaven… “