I have always wanted to tell you. I have always wanted to let you know how I felt about you. But I never had the courage to.
I have always wanted to show you that there was more to me than my mask of quietness and strictness. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to come out of my shell, dump the “girls don’t ask guys out” convention, or the number of times I’d wanted to just hold your hand and stare at you.
It wasn’t hard to fall for you, it wasn’t hard at all. The outline of your jaw, the way your eyes slant slightly when you’re amused, the way you walk like nothing in the world bothers you and that way you smile when I answer a Physics question you throw at me. These are really little things but they count a lot.
It wasn’t cowardice, it was not pride as well. It was fear. I feared rejection. I was afraid you’d look at me like I lost my memory and laugh if I ever told you I liked you. So many times, I have wanted to ask,”what do you think about us being together”. I have always wanted to know if you liked me that way. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask.
You know, sometimes I wonder how it would have been if it was me instead of her. The day you told me about her, I could see the joy in your eyes, I noticed how you’d pause, smile and talk about her all day.
I’m not mad at you. I’m angry at myself. Who knows, you might have liked me that way too but probably thought I would have rejected you too. I wish I had said it. I wish I’d told you.
So, as days go by, I’ll just be here, watching you bask in your newly found euphoria until I find my way again.
“I never told you”
“Teardrops on my guitar